When Men Decide To Cook

1.Planning is irrelevant

Women, we understand the science behind planning meals, preparation, and taking our time cooking.  For example, my mama would start preparing Sunday dinner on Saturday, and she would start cooking really early on Sunday because she knew after church everyone would be hungry and ready to eat.

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However, when (some) men decide to cook, it isn’t a planned event.  There is no prior discussion about it.  It’s no, “Baby, I am going to cook Tuesday.”  The thought process actually goes like this.  I am hungry and I want (specific dish) right now!) Men will start cooking when they feel hungry. This is why they will start cooking at 7pm on a Thursday, or 10pm on a Friday night.  In their mind, the food will get done in about 30 minutes, but the gap between expectation and reality is enormous.

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2.Everything is Cooking on the Highest Degree Possible

So now that you understand the planning process, you should understand why everything needs to be cooked fast and on high! When baking food in the oven, the minimum degree is 400 and the maximum can go anywhere from 450 to 475.  Therefore, when meat is baked in the oven, the outside is nice and brown, but the inside is rubber ( I am exaggerating here).  It doesn’t bother them because they have strong mouths so the rubber doesn’t affect the way they eat.  On the other hand, for you, chewing on that meat can be crucial, but you do it with a smile on your face.

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And, on the stove top, if it’s not boiling, it ain’t cooking.  So instead of rice simmering in the pot, the water is boiling over onto the eyes because they had the nerve to cover up the top.

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3.The More the Betta

What looks like just enough food to you, is not enough food in their eyes.  They like to cook a lot of food even when it’s unnecessary.  This is why men do a good job cooking for tailgates and cookouts.  For those occasions you can never have too much food.  The problem is they never adjust or deviate from that amount of food.  So when they cook, it’s either a lot of food or a lot more food.  You never make less than a lot of food.  

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4. Meat is the only thing on the menu.

What are the sides? More meat!!

Men cooking 35. Heavy-Handed Seasoning

Nothing better than tasting the seasoning before the food enters your mouth.  The smell alone is tasty.

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6. Messy! Messy. Messy.

The whole time they’ve been cooking, you better believe there was no cleaning-up-as-you-go.  The water that boiled over from the rice pot is now hardened on the stove top underneath the eye.  The bar-b-q sauce is splashed on the wall.  And dirty dishes overflow the sink even before you start eating. He says he will clean it up after you all eat, but really after food is consumed, he will be too stuffed and tired to clean up anything.

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At the end of the day, don’t complain about anything because men will try to get out of cooking and blame it on the fact that you always complain about how they cook.  So just sit back, observe, and enjoy the food that you didn’t have to make.

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